By: Elisha

Elisha — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 21:18:27 +0000

I loved reading your descriptions of your interactions with Zeke, how you have bonded with him, and the important insights you’ve gained. I’ve been very thankful and gratified to see what an awesome father you are! At the risk of gushing, I’ll say I’m extremely proud of you and Julie and I think you’re awesome parents. Furthermore, I agree with most of the points that you make in this post.
It does trouble me that your post sort of suggests that you’ve gotten the idea that every baby is basically the same when it comes to their sleeping needs. Your experience with Zeke is far different from any experience I had with my three babies. None of you had more than occasional difficulty falling asleep and unless my memory has completely failed me, we didn’t ever let you scream (nor even cry, more than at most a few whimpers or a very brief moment of time) yourselves to sleep. And each of you had different preferences and needs regarding being put to sleep/bed for the night. One preferred nothing more than to be lain in his crib, quite alone, thank you very much I’m quite fine, Mommy. One fell asleep instantly with no trouble or fuss whatsoever anywhere and anytime she was tired, the more commotion in the room the better and could be moved to her own bed with no difficulty. And one had a mixture of preferences, including cuddles, but still generally did best when simply lain in his bed when it was clear he was tired, with his familiar comfortable items around him, and he slept more soundly in that peaceful environment (that was you, by the way). I do hope that I would have learned the same lesson you have learned, if I’d had a baby with needs and preferences identical to Zeke, and I commend you for studying and really really getting to know your child, and responding to his unique personality and needs in a loving, appropriate, and yes, sacrificial manner. To me, that’s the main point, and it’s a big, important point: study and know you child. Become a student of your child. Pay attention! I believe that’s something every parent needs to learn and to do for their child, without exception, in order to be a really good parent and I think you made that point quite well.
But I caution you regarding what you say beyond that point and I hope that you will please, for the sake of not having to eat crow when you get a child that turns out to be very different from Zeke, and also in order to avoid alienating your friends that are also struggling to do this “parent thing,” please be aware that every child is different and just because you learn something valid and valuable about babies via Zeke, please don’t start thinking that all the answers are the same for every parent, in regards to what “works” and how to do things like putting a baby to sleep “the right way.” It’s way too easy to get the idea, or at least to sound as if you think, that you’ve got things all figured out and everyone else is just plain wrong. Would I have been a better parent if I had forced all my babies to sleep in my arms and/or in my bed with me if they preferred sleeping alone in a quiet room? That makes no more sense to me than the idea that a baby should have to scream himself to sleep because somebody says so, when all he wants is to be rocked for a few minutes. After all, I believe that nothing is going to be more important in your journey to be the best parent possible, than basic humility.

Comments on: Laugh it Out

By: Elisha