“Dangit! My hand itches! Hrm… it looks kind of dry… I wonder if there’s some vaseline or lotion or something I can put on it around here…” Was my thought this morning as I sat typing away at my keyboard.
I sort of ignored it until a while later when I went to use the restroom. As I was washing my hands, I looked down at the other side of the sink. You know, the side that doesn’t have the soap on it. There was a “body product” there that looked like it could possible hold some toothpast or soap or something. I’d always sort of ignored it, but now, with the cracks in my skin getting burned by the soap and water, it brought to mind my need of lotion.
I read the label, “Bath & Body Works PLEASURES” hrm… I don’t like where this is going, sounds like some sort of erotic intimate product sitting on my sink… I continued cautiously, “magnolia blossom body cream”.
OK… what the heck is “Body Cream”??? My first thought is that it was some special gentle girl soap that my wife used when she washed her hands. That’s what I had always assumed when I saw it sitting there. She has “Shower Gel” instead of “Body Soap” in the shower (I think…)
But now that I needed some lotion, I wondered what “Body Cream” was. What do you do with it? The name implies some sort of conditioner or something you would put on and then wash off… Is this what Julie shaves her legs with? Like shaving cream for not your face? I mean, a cream is something you wash off, right? Surely this isn’t some sort of lotion?
It’s location on the sink seemed to indicate you didn’t use it in the shower… I picked it up and flipped it around to look at the back. I began reading:
“BEAUTIFUL The romantic” I stopped reading there and almost put it back down, as I’m typing this, I am for the first time reading the rest of that paragraph, but at the time I skipped to the next one (The rest of that paragraph reads “scent of magnolia blossoms is blended with sweet honeysuckle, white sandalwood and soft amber.”)
I continued at the next paragraph:
“Daily Beauty Ritual: Smooth over skin, focusing on dry spots like elbows, heels and knees.”
Daily Beauty Ritual??? Are you worshipping your body and offering this cream as a sacrifice? what the HECK!? Ok, so I guess it must be some sort of lotion? Will it work on your hands, or is it only good for elbows, heels and knees? At this point I was just pretty much disgusted.
Do girls really like this crap? Like, seriously, why can’t the front of the bottle say in huge black letters:
LOTION
Preferrably, if it is targeted towards men, right above lotion, in half the font size of the word “LOTION” it would say “MENS” (that’s right, not even an apostrophy to show possessive, keep it simple).
Ok, so:
MENS
LOTION
Then, when you flip it around it says:
“Fixes dry, itchy skin.
Apply to problem area as needed.
Not Nasty.
Not Smelly.
Not Greasy.
Tested on animals and humans to ensure safety.”
I’d buy that and use it in a second. BODY CREAM??? Nope. I’d never even give it a second glance on the shelf. This crap has been sitting in my bathroom for at least a month and I’ve never even given it a second glance.
Oh, I did rub a little on, and now my hand smells funny. At least it’s not as itchy… So I guess it was probably lotion…
