Yep. I’m tired of it.

I want to be a farmer.

I want to eek everything I need to survive out of the earth.

I want to have 10 sheep, 16 cows, and 34 chickens.

I want to milk the cows.
I want to sheer the sheep.
I want to gather the eggs.

I want to make my clothes.
I want to make my cheese.

I want to stalk deer through the woods, but this time,
I want to do it with a bow and arrow.

I want to ride a horse.

I want to put seeds in the ground.
I want cabbage.
I want lettuce.
I want carrots.
I want potatoes.
I want corn.
I want beans.
I want tomatoes.
I want green-beans.
I want brocolli (how could I forget brocolli?)
I don’t want to know how to spell it.
I don’t want to care.

I want to get up and watch the sun crawl slowly across the sky.
I want to be dog tired and drag myself to bed.

I want to chop wood.
I want to build.
I want to burn.
I want to eat.
I want to “do my business” on the ground behind a bush.

I want to be strong, and feel the sweat run down my back.
I want my muscle to burn until I cry.

I want to do this until I want to do it no more.
and then I want to die, and wake up and do it all over again.

I want to be human. Not a machine reliant upon a machine, whose only purpose is to make more machines.

I want out of the matrix that the world has become.
I want my red pill.

I must make the red pill.
I can do it if I want.
I can work hard for the next 10 years, or 15, or 20, or even 40,
at which point I can retire to go be a farmer.

But then I’ll be too old.

How sad.

I guess you can’t always get what you want…

“Nixor per Vestri”

Blind though he was,
and unable to feel
Still he fought on.

He walked a path.
Many assailed him.
Still he walked on.

Pulled as if by a magnet,
He knew he drew closer.
Nearer he drew,
but ever afar.

This path never twisted.
This path never turned.
Straight was this path.
Open void walled it’s sides.

He turned.

Plummeted.

His only hope were his wings.

Still blind.
Still numb.
And yet he flew on.
There was no stopping.

Again then returning.
To the path.
To his home.
To his curse.

Forward or backward.
This way then that.
Ever pulled.
Ever they assaulted him.

Now and then he would believe
in his blindness he saw
in his numbness he felt
and yet neither were true
Or perhaps they were.

His hunters pursued him
He helpless prey in the dark.
Naked and weary.
Only his voice and his ears were his own.

Yet his ears deceived him,
for they heard yet little that was truth.
A cacophony of noise
A din of his destruction.

He cried out, and was heard,
but he knew it little.
Less did he believe it
and more did his ears deceive.

Stones hurled in his way.
he stumbled.
he was all but crushed.
he turned and plummeted.
Again, again, and again…

Yet the force pulled him forward
Never, never, never
would the force let him go.
He belonged to the force.

Yet he walked the path for ages
Still the force pulled.

Yet he stopped for a millenia,
Still the force pulled.

Yet he fled the other way,
still the force pulled.

Yet he died
and still the force pulled.

If he could hear.
If he could silence the noise.
If he could be deaf to all
but that which spoke softly.

He may then see.
He may then feel.
He knew.
Yet he was ignorant.

He despaired.
He gave up.
He went mad.
And yet he strove on.

He hated the force.
He loved the force.
He knew the force not.
It was his dearest and only friend.

Perhaps, Someday
This path would end
and the force would pull no more

The two poles of the magnet
would have met
And no longer be as two
but as one.

If only he were ever to truly take a step forward.
Always he was walking
Never did he move.
Or perhaps he did.

I pretend to know not,
but really, I do.

Is there such a thing as ‘fate’, or more specifically ’signs’? Maybe…

So I have been ‘hunting’ for almost 2 months now. I have been hunting for 2 things.

1. Nintendo Wii
2. Deer

I started hunting for both the day after thanksgiving (or around there).

Before I went deer hunting for the second time, I started thinking that if I got a deer that would mean I would get a wii. I didn’t get a deer, and I didn’t get a wii.

Before I went deer hunting for the third time, I started thinking that it was obvious that I would eventually get a wii, but that the manner in which I got a deer would be the manner in which I got the wii, and that if I didn’t get a deer, then obviously the two were not connected.

When I went hunting I waited for a long time, just as it was starting to get too dark to see my hunting partner shot a deer. We chased it through the woods, and in the end I shot it right between the eyes. I took this to mean that somehow I would not be the one to find the wii, but that someone else would find it, and would either call me to tell me to come get it from the store, or they would buy it and I would purchase it from them. I assumed it would be my cubicle co-worker Jeff, or perhaps my mom.

Today I got a call from my brother in-law. He had just purchased a wii (knowing I wanted one) and I am going to pick it up from his house tonight (obviously paying for it).

Now, I know there is nothing cosmic about a wii, and nothing cosmic (not very much at least) about killing a deer. But was it really 100% coincidence? If you think about it logically, I mean really think about it, if God is everywhere at all times, and if he knows everything. For a being who created the universe, who is intimately involved in every aspect of our lives, who could hurl the earth into the sun as easily as you can toss aside a golf ball (if not easier), would it really be so hard to co-ordinate these two events so that they played off eachother as signs for me to read? Especially when this being knows I am looking for them? Wouldn’t it even be kind of fun for God to do? If I were God… I would do it… It’s fun and easy, so why not?

Anyways, might be coincidence, might not. But the major thing is:

I HAVE A WII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I KILLED MY FIRST DEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HORRAY FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!